The Art of Intimacy & The Politics of a Sex Scene

“Cover your eyes, kids,” a parent says to her children who watch two characters in a film kiss.

“Cover your eyes, Mom and Dad,” an adult says awkwardly to their parents as two characters of a film engage in sexual activity.

When engaging in intercourse, the body encounters a variety of hormones, such as oxytocin, prolactin, estrogen, and dopamine. When seeing it in the media, that’s not really the case. In 1968, the MPAA (Motion Picture Associations of America) system first inaugurated the four ratings for a film: G, M, R, and X, G. Subsequent to their introduction, these ratings have continued to actively contribute to society’s opinions on sexual content in the media. Contrary to the increasingly relaxed and normalized use of violence in films with lower age ratings, sex in film and TV is held to a high and strict standard in terms of censorship. A G-rated film allows no sexual content, which usually also applies for a PG-rating. A PG-13 film allows for brief content or implied sexual activity, but of no overly explicit nature. An R-rating pushes this more, allowing for explicit content and in some cases, nudity. Finally, an NC-17 film rating is typically presented to films which depict an indulgence of sexuality and nudity in an explicit manner, which pushes not only viewers, but studios and distributors away from this content. This cultural discomfort often leads to criticism of 'gratuitous' or 'excessive' depictions of sex in mainstream media. But, this perpetuates the prudent views and opinions towards sexuality as a result of decades-long stigma towards sensuality. The sex representation in the media breaks the taboo surrounding the subject, promotes healthy sex education, and becomes a form of expression for the story.

In 2019, Netflix’s Sex Education premiered, which garnered a starred reception and a 93% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. This was a stigma-shattering moment for the media, breaking various records. Its success signaled a shift in the media's treatment of sex, breaking taboos around sexual conversations.. Following the release of it’s final season, BBC writer Nick Levine reflected on the impact of Sex Education on its audience, particularly the youth, stating “The overall vibe may be heightened – Gillian Anderson relishes her role as Otis's mother Jean, a disarmingly frank sex therapist – but culture writer Lucy Ford salutes the show for placing ‘less of a gloss on sex’ than many equivalent series. ‘For its audience of young people, I can imagine this makes the prospect of sex – whether they're having it or not – much less intimidating,’ she tells BBC Culture. In a way, the show's nostalgic veil creates a kind of visual comfort blanket that allows the writers to confront challenging and taboo aspects of sexual intimacy” (Levine) Through its portrayal of sex in an open and approachable manner, Sex Education turns away from the stigmas of discomfort regarding subjects of intercourse and intimacy, instead portraying a candid image of what sex really looks like in this era. It was able to show dialogue on TV and film’s ability to portray sex in a plot-driven way, proving tasteful and integral to modern culture. The show abashedly stays true to what the teen experience is, confronting ideas of romance, loneliness, and especially sex, which is an integral part to adolescence. But this serves as a contrast against what’s represented in wider mainstream media and film culture, where criticisms of sexuality flourish and are almost unanimously labeled as ‘unnecessary.’ Conversations around sex have become avoided and suppressed. Witney Seibold for Slash Film points this out, saying “Audiences have reached a point that mainstream cinematic entertainments are largely sexless, and any tiny crumb of sexuality is savored. And while leaving most characters' sexualities abstract might provide a broader canvas for writers of slash fiction, it is, in many ways, a form of censorship.” (Seibold) Avoiding conversations and depictions of sex in mainstream media hinders the open conversations and future risks of intimacy. By restricting depictions of sex, the topic of sexuality is unknown to the viewer, which restricts conversations and learning about intercourse, creating potentially dangerous situations. In Hopkins Bloomberg Public Health, writer Eve Glicksman discusses the potential effects of these taboos. “This is how stigma weasels its way into people’s attitudes and actions—and weakens public health. Stigma related to sexual and reproductive health has deep roots in society and the human psyche...Over time, shame about sex became ingrained in our religious institutions, schools, laws, and popular media. ‘Humans create stigma to enforce social norms,’ says social psychologist and stigma researcher ... an associate professor at the University of Delaware. And it can be a public health menace, especially when it is embedded in societal structures.” (Glicksman) As a primary source of education for youth, mainstream media's inclusion of sex can foster comfort with intimacy and create a healthier environment reflecting contemporary reality. While sex is a cultural norm, open conversations and representations in media have lagged.

The ongoing stigmas of sexual content in the media begin to directly contribute to restrictions placed on access to imperative sex education. Representing sex in media facilitates important discussions about intimacy and autonomy. This tension between societal norms and understanding sexuality is reflected in the media's varying portrayals of sex. Sex, as a concept, as well as an ever-present, concrete aspect of human nature, has been a constant throughout human existence, shaping culture, relationships, and power dynamics. Across history, sexuality has been represented in various forms of media, celebrating and placing the act in reverence. But through the rise of theology, religious doctrine contributed to the repression of this, stigmatizing ideas of sexual activity separated from procreation. This significantly contributed to centuries of shame surrounding open conversations about sex.  But, despite these challenges, representation prevails. Bold artists, filmmakers, and creators embrace sexuality, lifting the veil off the taboo. Despite being labeled divisive, modern media plays a crucial role in challenging taboos and fostering healthy conversations. There’s a growing trend in films and TV shows to focus on more realistic and relatable depictions of sex for people, especially women. Productions like Fleabag, Pur, and American Honey showcase the messy, imperfect side of sex, often in stories led by women, making these portrayals more authentic and less idealized. In 2020’s acclaimed TV adaptation of Sally Rooney’s 2018 novel, Normal People, the show hit the screen to a sensational reception. It's a key example of honest and natural portrayals of sex, emphasizing depth and imperfections. Contrasting with glamorized depictions, it encourages more candid discussions about intimacy. Noted by Gwendolyn Smith for her Refinery29 review of the show, she states “Hopefully, holding up a mirror to sex today will spark honest discussions about what we like about it, and what we don’t. Ideally, of course, this would lead to the destruction of rigid gender roles, universal awareness of what constitutes enthusiastic mutual consent, and young people feeling empowered to open up about what feels good” (Smith) Through this momentum, modern media has begun to step away from prior unrealistic depictions of pleasure, and instead focused on authenticity.  The depth of the discourse against sex’s portrayal points only at the gratuity and other surface level issues, but ignores the societal role that it plays in the youth, as author Siobhan Lawless points out. “And a wave of coming-of-age indie films have started stripping away the gloss and adding credibility to sex scenes, from Sasha Lane and Shia LaBeouf’s realistic, visceral encounter in American Honey or Lady Bird shattering the illusion that the first time is a fairy tale, and the fumbling awkwardness of Booksmart' s lesbian sex scene. Imperfect sex is increasingly being celebrated – it's no coincidence that all of the above are female-led productions.” (Lawless) Viewers don’t need less sex scenes, they need realism. It’s important for the youth to consume this content and be able to learn from it, applying it to their real life experiences. For The American Academy of Pediatrics, writer Karen Torres emphasized the importance of access to sex education, pointing out the media as one source. “Youth deserve to a strong foundation of developmentally appropriate information about gender and sexuality, and how these things relate to their bodies, community, culture, society, mental health, and relationships with family, peers, and romantic partners.” (Torres) The problem doesn’t lie within the existence of sexuality in the media. Instead, erasing them restricts the opportunities for educational portrayals that are able to resonate with real people. 

The issue isn’t sex scenes as a whole, it’s the perpetuated idea that the media portrays sex in only one dimension. But in actuality, it emerges in various genres; from raunchy comedies like Bridesmaids and Superbad to emotional dramas like Call Me By Your Name and Blue Valentine or in fantasy shows like Game of Thrones. The universal experience of sex is often reduced to claims of being gratuitous or unnecessary in the media. But this oversimplification looks past the story potential of upfront sexuality. Beyond exposition and dialogue, visual elements like sex can deepen narrative, advance plot, and portray character emotions uniquely. This highlights the necessity to portray this content with intention and how they can efficiently enhance the storytelling. When handled well, sexuality can be a tasteful and narratively important element. For NPR, writer Linda Holmes expertly explains this. “Good sex scenes are like any other kind of good filmmaking, honestly: it comes down to execution with purpose and care, done relative to whatever the function of the scene might be. Whether that's spiciness or conflict or relationship growth or (as in the case of Bound ) setting up a steamy neo-noir story that wouldn't be the same if it weren't hot as heck, form follows function, ideally.” (Holmes) When sex scenes are executed properly, they're able to grasp the audience and represent the film, in the way in which filmmaking intends. It all comes down to the questions it answers: What does the sex scene say? How does it impact the characters? Where does it lead the plot? Well executed sex scenes can play a pivotal role in enhancing the story, drilling into a character’s emotions and expertly visualizing what the viewer would be left with. This can be seen in 2023’s historical drama, Oppenheimer in a particular scene. “While her husband (Cillian Murphy) is being interrogated, she pictures him having sex with his mistress, Jean Tatlock (Florence Pugh). It goes by quickly enough that it might seem like a Christopher Nolan flourish for flourish's sake, but it serves the purpose of letting you feel her pain over her husband's affair… It's not really the intent of the scene to titillate the audience, just to give specificity to the shape of Kitty's preoccupation with the affair.” (Holmes) Thoughtful implementation of sex is able to transcend the story to a different level, giving light to a character’s motivations, a plot’s conflicts, creating a deeper bridge between the audience and the film. Similarly, in Mulholland Drive, a sex scene carries weight beyond narrative necessity, embodying the film’s spirit and the characters’ profound emotional connection. “Mulholland Drive’s sex scene is ultimately expendable from a narrative viewpoint but integral to the spirit, drive and passion of David Lynch’s beautiful film.” (Evans) But this approach isn’t limited to just film. Music has long served as a medium for exploring and expressing sexuality, often challenging societal attitudes despite potential backlash. Icons like Madonna and Marvin Gaye have shaped cultural narratives around intimacy and desire. More recently, Sabrina Carpenter has embraced her sexuality as a central theme for her brand, blending playful self-expression, empowerment, and authenticity through her sex-positive content. Music oftentimes challenges societal discomfort with sex, especially when it comes to women. Following her 2025 BRITS performance, writer Charley Ross notes, “The fact that fans of a 25-year-old female performer feel “afraid” of seeing evidence of her sexuality and find it “weird” is an indictment of our refusal to give women the sexual liberation they deserve, on stage and otherwise.” (Ross) Which, in turn, plays into the gender roles and scrutiny women face. But as Carpenter herself remarks in an interview with Teen Vogue, “‘I feel like I've learned a lot more about sexuality through writing [the outros] than people think," Carpenter admitted in the interview. “I think people think I'm just obnoxiously horny when in reality, writing them comes from the ability to not be fearful of your sexuality as opposed to just not being able to put it down.’” (Delgado) Carpenter, like many artists, uses her openness towards her sexuality to express herself in hopes of desensitizing the audience to something realistic. When singing suggestive lyrics or doing cheeky dances, she’s able to build a brand that embraces empowerment, authenticity, and being unapologetically herself. But these thoughtful implementations of sex are not the exception or rare cases to the surplus of unnecessary. Instead, they play into the narrative potential that sexuality can have. The real issue lies in the oversimplified critiques of sex in media, not acknowledging the nuanced ways that they can enrich creative expression. 

While this highlights the plot-driven potential of sexual content, it faces a recurring critique. Sex’s depiction in the media, especially film, faces questions on how certain depictions and representations are portrayed. Throughout notable history, the portrayal of sex has been incontestably catered to a male-centric audience. Given that the film industry specifically has been dominated by men, their lens on sex proves to be the most notable. This phenomenon is explicated in the concept of the “male gaze” by film scholar Laura Mulvey. In her 1975 essay, Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema, she states “In a world ordered by sexual imbalance, pleasure in looking has been split between active/male and passive/female. The determining male gaze projects its fantasy onto the female figure which is styled accordingly. In their traditional exhibitionist role women are simultaneously looked at and displayed, with their appearance coded for strong visual and erotic impact so that they can be said to connote to-be-looked-at-ness.” (Mulvey) Her essay dissects how the male gaze reduces women to objects, a fantasy that caters to solely male pleasure. She elaborates, “For instance, the device of the show-girl allows the two looks to be unified technically without any apparent break in the diegesis. A woman performs within the narrative, the gaze of the spectator and that of the male characters in the film are neatly combined without breaking narrative verisimilitude. For a moment the sexual impact of the performing woman takes the film into a no-man's-land outside its own time and space.” (Mulvey) But while Mulvey’s standpoints on women’s portrayal in the media accurately pointed out the misogynistic undertones of sensuality, it has significantly changed the landscape of how sex is approached in modern media. Through the acknowledgement of the stereotypes and continuous male-centric ideologies of what a women’s portrayal of sexuality should be, modern media is able to subvert the male gaze, instead focusing on an authentic narrative that highlights the female experience. The dominance of the male gaze stems from the film industry’s long history of being controlled by men. However, as women have increasingly stepped into key creative roles, such as directors, writers, and producers, the prevalence of the male gaze has begun to diminish, allowing for more diverse and nuanced representations of sexuality. 

When discussing the uncomfortable portrayals in front of the screen, another common critique of the depictions of sex lie behind the camera. Concerns arise over the safety of the participants, regarding the issues over consent, protection, and fears over exploitation. This has only risen in the past years, in a post #MeToo era, where actors have spoken out about their experiences in sex scenes and their issues with how they’re treated. While the broader implications of the male gaze have been explored, its effects extend into the personal experiences of actors, often revealing the discomfort and challenges tied to these portrayals. Actress Keira Knightley specifically points this out and attributes it to her justification for why she doesn’t participate in scenes of the nature, saying in an interview, “‘I feel very uncomfortable now trying to portray the male gaze. Saying that, there’s times where I go, ‘Yeah, I completely see where this sex would be really good in this film and you basically just need somebody to look hot.’ So therefore you can use somebody else, because I’m too vain and the body has had two children now and I’d just rather not stand in front of a group of men naked.’” (Ramachandran). She highlights the discomfort she feels in embodying roles shaped by the male gaze, exposing the lingering pressures of such portrayals. But this isn’t specific to just women in the industry. Actor Penn Badgley has also previously discussed his discomfort with sex scenes, stating “‘It’s not a place where I’ve blurred lines,” he says. “There’s almost nothing I could say with more consecration. That aspect of Hollywood has always been very disturbing to me — and that aspect of the job, that mercurial boundary — has always been something that I actually don’t want to play with at all.’” (Arthur) The issues presented by these actors and various more express valid concerns on boundaries and how they are represented. However, it’s important to acknowledge the changing landscape of the media industry, which constantly adapts and improves based on its critiques. One specific practice that’s become institutionalized in most productions is an intimacy coordinator. First taking prominence in the late 2010s, an intimacy coordinator’s role on a set is to ensure the comfort, safety, and consent of actors during scenes involving physical intimacy, while maintaining the creative vision of the project. “Why is TV taking sex more seriously? The increased use of intimacy directors, who advise during sex scenes, surely plays a role: both Normal People and Sex Education consulted industry go-to Ita O’Brien. While the role of intimacy coordinator took off following the Harvey Weinstein scandal, and its primary aim is to safeguard the cast and crew, O’Brien reckons it also makes for better sex material.” (Smith) Through the fostering of a healthy environment which aims to make actors feel safe and comfortable, it demonstrates a shift in the industry’s ever evolving approach to intimacy, which proves that it will continue to do so, modernizing and acknowledging issues. 

Through the prioritization of actor safety and authenticity in its portrayal, sex scenes still continue to face its biggest critique. Through its depictions, the sex portrayed often gets idealized or misinterpreted, creating perceptions of the act that push far from actuality. The overall general reception to how sex is portrayed or spoken about is that it’s inconsistent with reality. Researcher Cathy Cassata shares her study, saying “The results show there are huge differences between how sex is portrayed on screen and what happens in reality. Nearly 66 percent of respondents said they think the portrayal of sex in movies is somewhat, or very, unrealistic.” (Cassata) The scenes perpetuate women's insecurity, how they expect they should feel, act, or look. “‘Hair is perfectly in place with a full face of makeup and matching exotic underwear. However, most women are likely to agree this isn’t what they look like during intercourse. Again, this can provoke feelings of insecurity for women who are already facing the pressure to ‘perform,’” she said.” (Cassata) But these pressures aren’t just unfavorable towards women in film, it’s music too. Author Jen Cueva notes, “Some lyrics objectify and hypersexualize women. This contributes to harmful stereotypes, and it can put pressure on both men and women to conform to unrealistic beauty standards. This is especially damaging for people who may already struggle with body image issues due to PH or other reasons.” (Cueva) Through acknowledging this, it’s important to recognize that past portrayals of sexuality in the media leaned towards glamorization and visual pleasure, over realism. Recognizing this, these past missteps in realistic depictions provide an opportunity to grow and learn, adapting modern ideas into future projects. Through the understanding of these shortcomings, the media can challenge this and strive to portray a healthier depiction of sexuality

Ultimately, the representation of sex in the media isn’t excessive– it’s necessary. Through the stigmas and stereotypes, art is able to prevail and depict realistic portrayals of sexuality. The oftentimes unacknowledged reality is that intimacy is a prevalent theme seen throughout all of human history, being an important feat to portray the universal human experience. In turn, it’s necessary to have open conversations about it, despite the taboo. Recent films and shows have set new standards, challenging societal norms and encouraging meaningful dialogue. By learning from past shortcomings, the media continues to evolve, embracing authenticity and fostering representation that resonates with audiences. Thoughtfully executed sex scenes not only break taboos but also serve as powerful narrative tools, deepening character development and advancing plotlines. These portrayals enrich the collective understanding of intimacy, proving that honest depictions of sex are indispensable to the universal human narrative. It’s crucial these portrayals grow to enable society’s embracement of sexuality, both in the media and in real life.